The fatal thing is that people with less well-developed self-esteem are less able to build relationships with themselves than those who always feel strong and powerful. You can tell this from how they occur. Her ego always comes first: "I can ..." "I know that ...", "I look really good in the dress." You would never say such sentences. You would rather be silent, even if you knew or could know something exactly. And you could look so attractive in the dress, you would not notice it and certainly not express it. Rather, you would have to criticize something about yourself, for example that your wide waistline is even more apparent in the fiddle.
Why is that? As is so often the case in psychology, your genes determine to some extent whether you go through life in a shy, easy-going and open-minded manner. But only to a small extent. The rest were brought up to you by those around you. Children who have been constantly criticized by their parents are less likely to develop a harmonious relationship with themselves. Even then it was not the inner critic who said that the picture did not work well, that the two were not enough in the dictation. It was your mother who wanted to make you an ambitious painter or your father who expected you to have an average grade of 1,0. This misery hurts and shapes you for the rest of your life. But only if you do nothing about it.
You can't change much about your appearance. Well, you could update your dress style, re-create your hairstyle, refresh your complexion with makeup, lose weight through exercise and a balanced diet. But you will keep the seemingly too long nose, the narrow lips, the big breast. Unless you are going to lie under the surgeon's knife. But then you would no longer be you. That would be a shame. You will not believe this? Would you rather be like someone else? Don't imagine that easily. You can only find an inner balance if your feelings, your appearance and your appearance match. That is exactly what you should strive for.
Accept yourself as you are with all your weaknesses and apparent defects. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Ashamed, you were often advised to be ashamed. Maybe you are not only ashamed of yourself, but often also of others? Let it go, it won't get you anywhere. However, it is the case that your brain refers to its experiences and thinks that only this feeling is yours. That's not true. You will prove it to him. It won't happen that you bristle with self-confidence from one day to the next. You will develop in small steps. But it's worth it. The more carefully you walk, the more harmoniously you can deal with yourself.
Perceive positive things
Now look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud which parts of the body you are satisfied with. Start the sentence with "I have beautiful / a beautiful ..." It's not that easy for you, is it? You dare. No one is there to listen to you. Memorize these parts of the body well and take a good look at them the next time you walk past the mirror. Just look at them and not at your problem areas. You will notice that you are gradually becoming more and more satisfied with your appearance.
You deal with the reviews from your environment in the same way. If someone tells you that you look "real shit" again, you should ignore this sentence. It is even better to counter, for example with a question that always goes: "Oh yes?" Shrug your shoulders. The point of the arrow has already broken off from your counterpart, because the effect of his attack seemed to be in vain. Now you must not brood over this insult and reproach yourself, otherwise your enemy would have achieved his goal.
Instead, you should pay attention to words of appreciation from your environment, even if they seem so banal. For example, if your colleague compliments that your scarf fits your blouse well, then take this praise and thank you for it. Maybe your boss tells you that he is happy about your correct work. Your friend asks which shampoo you use so that your hair shines so silky. These are all statements that will reinforce you - if you notice them. To do this, however, you have to want to perceive them.
Keep a success diary
The following step will initially seem unimportant to you. However, you shouldn't ignore it because it is important. Even highly respected managers, coaches and politicians have internalized it. The same applies to athletes who want to improve their performance. Keep a diary. It differs from normal diaries in that you only list your successes like the compliments already mentioned. Keep writing what you did in the day. These can be little things, for example you put away the mountain of laundry, vacuumed the apartment, took care of your friend's child. In the evening you should have at least five entries in your diary.
At the end of the week, you read these notes again. Don't you have every reason to be proud of yourself? Keep the success diary for a longer period. You will see that you are psychologically better. This is because your brain is reprogramming itself. This increases your self-confidence.
Approach other people
This reprogramming means that you are not only satisfied with yourself, but also more open to others. You should take advantage of this. Go to other people, smile at yourself. You will see that you will meet them just as sympathetically. Because what's the old saying? As you call into the forest, it resounds.
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